Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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