Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
