No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
