I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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