My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
