she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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