May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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