So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
