I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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