I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
