i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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