Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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