Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
