Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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