The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
