Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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