if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
