i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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