You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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