Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
