I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
