Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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