Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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