Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He shit in the fireplace
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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