Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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