man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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