I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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