I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In America we eat man semen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
