Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will be naked everywhere
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
