When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
