I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
