DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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