i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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