Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
