umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
