I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
