xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
