i already hear my dad disowning me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
