someone owes me an orgasm
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
