no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
