I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
