This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
