People in love make me want to vomit
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
