im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
