I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The air was thick with penises
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
