What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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