I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
