dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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