Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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