Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
40s are totally the cure
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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