the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
