We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
