Is it because I queefed?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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