It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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