Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
