haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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