i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
