Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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