I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
