i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
