that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
