Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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