Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
