Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
