At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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