Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
