I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize