I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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