Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
