Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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