brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
