I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
