I cannot find my penis.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
