found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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