If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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