ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
