I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
